A 'Mornings with Sanamus' Episode
I enter my garden home at the fountain patio. To my left the fountain flows steadily. I notice Sanamus beside me on my right side so I turn toward him.
“I’m getting a late start to my day.”
He puts a hand on my upper back and steers me toward the table. “Then let’s sit a moment and become centered in one another.”
I smile at the two steaming cups of mocha waiting there, each topped with a dollop of whipped cream.
As I sit, a beam of sunlight breaks through the surrounding tree branches and warms my face. I close my eyes and enjoy the warmth for a moment. With a sigh of contentment, I look at Sanamus with a smile.
He regards me with a small grin.
“Your scrutiny used to intimidate me.”
He picks up his mug. ” That’s because you were hiding from yourself.” He takes a sip. “You didn’t want me to see what you were not willing to see – were afraid to see. “
” Wouldn’t it also have something to do with trusting you?” I ask as I run a finger along the rim of my mug.
“Without question – but that is really a matter of trusting yourself.”
“Right. That. It took me long enough to make any progress on that.”
He places a hand on top of my free hand while I take a sip from my mug. ” What do you think has made the biggest difference?”
“In trusting myself more?” I shrug as I think about my latest practices, like Morning Pages, or maybe it stretches back further. “I’m not sure, and I seem to have a long way to go.”
“It’s where you put your attention.”
I frown a little. “Well, that seems a little general.”
“Think about it,” he says. “What are you doing when you put your attention on something? Your attention upon it invites it to you. You open to it. In other words, you are giving it to yourself by receiving it with your attention.”
My mind tries to make the leap. “So I’m trusting myself more because of what I’m giving myself through my attention?”
“Because of what you are choosing to give yourself through your attention.”
“So it’s not a matter of trusting in my ability?” I feel confused.
“It is a matter of trusting in your ability – In your ability to choose. To choose correctly.”
“And what is correctly?”
He grins at me.
“Oh! My Heart guidance.”
“Take it one step further.”
“What is in alignment with my Heart.”
Sanamus gives me a nod.
“So, to put it all together, I’m trusting myself more because I’m frequently choosing to put my attention upon that which is in alignment with my heart.”
“Now let’s look at why that is. What happens when you put your attention on something that is not aligned with your Heart, in effect, giving it to yourself?”
“I’m giving myself something that is not true, not real – because only Love is real.”
“Right. But because you are putting your attention upon something that is essentially not real, your energy goes in and makes it real to you, essentially robbing you of life.”
I lean my forehead into my propped up hand. “O Lord,” I say with a groan. “That’s terrible!” I feel the enormity of what humanity has been doing to itself, making ourselves weak by giving life to what is not real. And what is not real won’t last. Only that which is made of Love can last.
Sanamus chuckles. “Now you know that even the smallest choices, like what movies to watch, are still important. You are either giving yourself life or robbing yourself. Of course, it can be a mixture. Your feelings will show you which one is dominant and if it, as a whole, was uplifting and nourishing.”
I look at him silently as I take it all in.
He leans in and slides a finger down the bridge of my nose. “Humanity won’t really flourish until they stop giving away their energy to that which they believe to be true. Only Love gives life and that life feels amazing. If something doesn’t feel amazing – are you giving yourself life or robbing yourself of it? Giving yourself life is how self-trust is built.”
I drain the last of my mocha. Setting my cup down, I say, “This turned out to be a serious conversation.”
He laughs. “You should know by now to be careful what you say to me.” He takes my hand and pulls me up. “Now let’s shake off this seriousness and go for a walk.”
I’m all too happy to do that!