Reluctance Getting in the Way

Reluctantly following a deeper calling makes it hard to continue. Sanamus convinces me to investigate this.

A Mornings with Sanamus episode

I enter my Garden Home at the Stream Deck and walk up the few steps onto the deck.  The tree braches all around sway in a lively breeze.

Sanamus is there already standing with his hands in his pockets as he watches the flowing stream.  He turns in my direction as I approach him.

He extends his arm a bit toward me for me to take his hand.  Once in reach, I accept his invitation.  His hand feels warm around mine.  Pulling me close, he leans toward me and rests his forehead on mine.  Silently, we tune into each other.  The wind among the trees and the flowing water fill the space around us.

[I feel an impulse to use my Soul Symbols for what happens next, so I ask Sanamus to give me one.  Then I randomly pull one from my bowl - Mountains.]

I'm not sure how this symbol applies here.  There are no mountains nearby - only on the horizon.  I ask Compassion to link my Awareness to this Symbol's data stream.

The idea of strength comes to me.  Lifting my face, I look into Sanamus' eyes.  I'm remembering our Team's comment not too long ago about how I've been standing firm in Love.

"And here in the moment I am saying to stand tall in our Love, like the mountains that rise into the sky and are seen from a distance."

I regard his words for a moment.  Then I say, "I'm not entirely sure what that means for me - what that looks like in terms of action, other than what I'm already doing."

"What you are reluctantly doing," he points out.

I look away with a sigh.  "So, I just have to talk about us more?"

"Let's strike 'have to' from that," he says.  "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."  He brings my face back to his, his fingertips softly touching the sides of my face.  "However, there are certain things you agreed to do and the time has come for them to begin.  So, my request is that you look and find out why you are holding back.  There is lost will at work.  Find what you need in order to move forward."

"I'm willing to do that.  I'm tired of being plagued with it, anyways."

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