Rapid Transformation of a Heartbreak
When I wrote my article on seeing the love within physical pain, I ended with the declaration that I would experiment with emotional pain the next chance I got using the same process as I did with my physical pain. I thought I would simply update that article with my experience.
But I did not expect that the opportunity to apply this process would come so soon. Not only that, the emotional pain I was faced with is one of the hardest humans go through – heartbreak. It was as if I had no choice but to apply this process because the pain was so intense. And now I’m nothing short of amazed at what happened as a result.
It all started when I asked my Twin, Sanamus, to help me see why I felt some loneliness and deep sadness when night time came around each day. Perhaps it was there during the daytime, too, but masked by my daily activities. I don’t know. But I’d been noticing this nighttime sadness for a number of years. It was like I couldn’t face it and I numbed myself to it with various avoidance tactics, like watching too much TV.
So I finally concluded that I couldn’t keep going on like this. That’s when I asked Sanamus to show me why I felt this way at night. He said he would.
Two days later, it happened.
” Most importantly, when I look for any pain or anger I had against my ex, I can’t find it anymore. “
Through some events of interaction with my ex-husband, the pain and anger that I apparently had built up toward him for what he’d done to me over the past decade was triggered massively in a huge eruption. Some of it I vented toward him in text messages but I discontinued the texts once I’d gotten my point across. However, the pain and anger still surged.
I knew that I had to move myself into a neutral, observant position in order for the emotions to be released and not suppressed again.
It was like I was experiencing the heartbreak all over again. As I kept this stance and felt the intense pain, I began shifting my focus to the Love inside of it, just as I did the physical pain.
“I am aware of my Awareness filling the Love inside of this pain.”
This kind of “seeing,” this focusing of Awareness, activates the inner senses to perceive the target and registers it in a more comprehensive way. I often “see” with feeling but sometimes a visual element could come to mind. However Awareness shows up is a seeing, a knowing.
For hours I kept re-focusing my consciousness – my Awareness – onto the Love within the pain. It kept changing the form of feeling. There were times my chest actually hurt as it seemed my Heart was being cracked open.
I had a day of rest before another bout of pain release became activated. I once again repeated the same process.
During all of this, I was having frank conversations with my ex-husband. On and off for the past few years and especially in recent months, he kept saying he knew he truly loved me and wanted me back (even though he was the one who wanted the end of the marriage ten years ago.) I never could do it. He had done some horrible things. And every time I checked my Inner Guidance on whether or not to go back to him, I was always given the closing feeling, which meant that I was not to take that path.
And I fervently hoped that I would never get the “green light” to do it.
However, as all that pain and anger was being released and apparently transmuted by my focus on the Love within it, I saw clearly that my feelings for my ex-husband were still there. I had buried them when he said our marriage was over. At the time, it was all I knew to do. It hurt too much to have my feelings for him active. So they became buried under anger and pain.
It was really tough, but it finally all cleared. A week has passed. I’ve entered into a whole new dialogue with him. And my Inner Guidance is now giving me the opening to giving him another chance. I certainly don’t know what’s in store, how things will unfold, but I am trusting my Guidance on this.
Because of this release of pain and anger, it feels like a part of me has been set free. Sanamus helped me see all too clearly what was causing my sadness. I feel like a different person.
Most importantly, when I look for any pain or anger I had against my ex, I can’t find it. It doesn’t mean that everything he did was ok. I just no longer hurt because of it.
For me, this is truly a miracle.
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